Me The Mommy

Breastfeeding in Public: An American Stigmatism

2012-02-07T13:08:00.001-08:00

I keep hearing stories about these “Disgusting”, “Outrageous”,“Hippie” moms who are unapologetically breastfeeding their babies in malls,restaurants, and supermarkets. And some of them have the nerve to do ituncovered! Just baby suckling breast with no shame!

In a society that claims to be “forward thinking” and “green”and sensitive to the rights of its citizens, we should be ashamed. In a societywhere it is the norm to see people kissing and fondling in public, where actressesare called sexy for wearing next to nothing at award shows and bikini tops areacceptable wardrobe for a night out with the girls, it is depressing thatbreastfeeding moms are the ones met with outrage and disgust.

This is just another indication that the portrayal of liberationand freedom women have in American society is merely a political farce used tomake other countries feel inferior to American values.

Do I breastfeed in public? Yes I do. Would you notice?Probably not, because I always use my scarf or other garment as a cover. But doesnot mean I would be outraged to see another women do it uncovered? No I wouldnot because I have seen much more outrageous things than a mother nourishingher child in the open. And frankly, I’d probably be more happy to see anothermother who has embraced the best way to feed their child in a society whopretends they support it, but in reality it is a deep seeded taboo.

Why is breastfeeding taboo in America? What is at the baseof American values? Capitolism. And corporations, like Enfamil and Good Starthave infiltrated the minds and hearts of American women, telling them their ownmilk was not good enough for their offspring. And formula was better. So wehave not only bought into this rhetoric, making their pockets fat, but we havesexualized and demonized breastfeeding and the people who do it.

This is not a blog about breastfeeding vs. formula. This isa blog about how an entire society can be brainwashed into thinking that somethingwhich is good and natural is something that is sick and inappropriate.

The Yelling Game

2011-12-13T17:51:00.000-08:00

I hate it. No seriously, I hate it.

“Stop this!” “Stop that!”

“What are you doing?!”

“Noooo!!!!!!”

Having a 6 month old and an almost 3 year old means that youcan’t always chase after your 3 year old and correct her/him when they aregoing down the path towards destruction. So, what do we do? We yell! It’sreally not a pretty sight. When we see someone else doing it, we shake ourheads. Sometimes we remark, “Oh my God, WHY IS SHE YELLING LIKE THAT?”Sometimes we look down our noses because at that particular moment our child isbeing the picture perfect toddler: “Yes Mommy” “Please…Thank you…. YourWelcome.”

But when we’re the one in the spotlight, we either do one oftwo things:

1. We attempt to mask our anger by doing thegritting teeth whisper yell:

“You better get your act together right now or else!” Wethreaten in an awkward last-resort whisper, hoping our child will beintimidated by the accompanied scowl.

2. We just loose it:

“Get your butt up off the floor right now _____! Do you hearme! Do you hear me!” We have really lost all reasoning by this point. At thispoint we have completely lost control of our child and our emotions. Usuallythis action makes everything much worse. Whatever was initially wrong with thechild will now be amplified. Rage is met with rage. And the whole ordeal isboth emotionally and physically distressing.

However, most yelling takes place in the home. This may seemmore appropriate than a public show of rage, but the home is supposed to be theone place we can be at ease; our place of rest and recuperation after astressful day out. So, as a parent, when I yell in my home, I am creating ahostile atmosphere.

I used to argue with my brother a lot from the ages of10-14. He was older, but I was not intimidated by him, and did not accept theconcept of sonority when it came to anything. We would argue over silly things,like what to watch on television. Sometimes we would be in a yelling match,calling each other hurtful names, and I don’t even know how it all started.Then my brother went to college and my yelling was retired.

…Until now. Having a two year old has revived this ugly traitfrom my past. I rarely even yell in my marriage because as an adult, I havegrown to hate confrontation. Yet as I sit here now and write this blog, myvoice is actually hoarse. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t yell at mydaughter. It is sad and it is exhausting. Ruqi is a normal toddler, with lotsof energy, imagination and curiosity to explore everything within her reach. Witha baby on board, I do not have the time to calmly walk her through every momentof her life, explaining what is right and what is wrong. It all started while Iwas pregnant; battling sickness, fatigue, and all the emotional ups and downsof pregnancy, my fuse was short.

The other factor is that Ruqi shows that she understands somuch, so perhaps I confuse her understanding of certain things with actualcomprehension. For instance, I will see how gently she interacts with the baby,so I trust her to play with her sister without hurting her. What a misjudgmenton my part! Most of the time she is gentle and soft and her sister adores her,but then there are the times when she grabs Saji’s face in her hands andsqueezes and it all happens so fast that all I hear is Saji screeching forhelp. So, of course I yell, and I yell loud. It’s to the point that Ruqi isn’teven affected by my yelling anymore. So why do I do it? It obviously isn’tworking.

I bought Dr. Sears’s “The Dicipline Book” and it’s great. Intypical Dr. Sears fashion, the book is more about training parents than it isabout training children. So, I recommend it to anyone who might have a yellingproblem or any other roadblock in their parenting. And prayer, prayer alwaysworks…

Day by Day, Moment by Moment

2011-11-17T15:57:00.001-08:00

A Typical Week:

Monday- Wash Ruqi’s hair

Tuesday- Clean bedroom, wash clothes

Wednesday- Visit Grandma

Thursday- Go to Children’s Museum

Friday- Go to Masjid

Saturday- Attempt to make some calls

Sunday- Catch up on schoolwork

Perhaps some of you could accomplish everything on this listin one day and still have time to spare, and three years ago, I could have too.But times have changed. I have two children under the age of three now. Overthe past six months, I have spent a lot of time worrying, rushing, complaining,and regretting because it seems like I can’t ever get a thing done. And when Ido get something done- a simple task- it takes a whole day of more.

If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, I’ll tellyou hour-by-hour how this past Monday went:

5am – wake up and lay in bed wondering why I am awake. Ifeel two sets of legs resting on my legs. I am a mommy sandwich, smushedbetween a toddler and a very large 6 month old, and I don’t dare move an inchfor fear of waking anyone up and disturbing the early morning peace.

5:45am – I realize it is time for the morning prayer, andsince I am still awake, I really have no excuse for skipping out on it. So, Islither from between the two sleeping beauties and make my way down the hall tothe bathroom, not looking back. I preform the ritual cleansing, feeling therefreshing splash of water on my face and into my mouth and nostrils. As soonas I was started to take in a very deep breath, I hear a whimper, then coversrustling, then a screeching cry. I run down the hall scooping up little Sajainto my arms, and a sudden feeling of overwhelming responsibility blankets overmy initial excitement about performing the early morning prayer in peace.

6:15 am – After suckling, baby Saja is now asleep, yet witha heightened awareness of her physical connection to me. I try to set her down,and she cringes and whimpers. The longer I wait, the more the sun begins tocreep up, so I settle to just pray sitting, while cradling my baby girl.Afterwards, I lay in the bed awake. I glanced over at my 2 year old who wasplaying in her sister’s baby powder with their 4 year old cousin the daybefore. Even after washing her hair, it was evident the powder had dried outher hair so much that it was brittle and the strands were tangling and lockingtogether. It was evident I had to do something about this hair dilemma, but dreadeddoing anything to Ruqi’s hair because she is tender headed and screams andcries and runs away the minute I confront her tightly coiled afro.

Okay, so you’re thinking, it’s not even daylight yet; tellthis story a little faster! I’m sorry, but this is my life. I’ll just stick tothe main parts from now on…

The point of the story is that it took a WHOLE day just todo Ruqi’s hair. Actually, two days, if you count the first time I washed it theday before. Just making meals, pampering and feeding the baby, and entertainingthe children takes up the majority of my day. In between all that - I havefinally figured out -that I can really only get one major task completed a day-if I’m fortunate! On Monday, it was washing, deep conditioning, moisturizing,and braiding little Ruqi’s hair.

I have finally come to peace with the fact that caring forthe babies is a JOB and it is MY JOB. I have a wonderful husband, but that’s besidethe point. I used to value myself on how many things I could get accomplished aday that don’t concern my children. For instance, doing schoolwork, goinggrocery shopping, writing a blog, making any income to contribute to the home,making important phone calls, ...ect.

It would upset me if Saja had a fussy day and needed to beheld and fed LITERALLY all day, therefore not even allowing me to perform thesimplest household task, like doing the laundry or preparing dinner. I wouldn’tbe upset with her, but I’d be upset and disappointed with myself for not beingable to multitask well enough to get everything on my agenda taken care of.

From now on I’m taking a stand! A stand against myself, formyself. I’m taking a stand against a society that makes women feel as thoughthey have to juggle children + home + work + school + marriage and pull it alloff with perfection. That’s madness! I am making a resolution:

1. Take 1 day at a time. Whatever I can dotoday, I will. I will plan, but if plans fall apart, it’s okay.

2. Take 1 moment at a time. Whoever saidmultitasking was a good thing? Do 1 thing at a time and do it well.

3. Be Present. Cherish every moment. Iwill not take 1 moment for granted, and I will not have regrets.

4. Be Happy. I will enjoy my life andenjoy my children. A happy mommy = A Happy Home.

5. Remember the Power of God. I am notcapable of doing all things, but GOD is. So pray, and ask for strength andforgiveness and guidance.

Life is a journey with ups and downs and turnarounds. As amother, it’s all the harder to feel like your happiness and peace of mindmatter in the scheme of things. But believe me, it matters. Just writing thispost - knowing my children will be waking from their nap soon and there was aton of “important” things I should have been doing – has uplifted my spirit. Dosomething today, no matter how small, to uplift yours.

A Great Grandfather

2011-09-04T05:51:00.000-07:00

What can I say? I have a great father! And Saji and Ruqi have a great grandfather! We (Nana, Pop-pop, Ruki, Saja and myself) took a weekend trip to Ocean City, NJ and we had a blast. I was busy caring for 11 week old Saja most of the time, and didnt really have the physical or mental capacity to care for her 2 year sister. But my parents made up for what I lacked. I feel so blessed to have parents that are so loving and caring for their children and grandchildren.

Growing up, we were always short on cash, but never short on love. When many families were going to Disney World, we were going on much less expensive camping trips in the Pocono Mountains. The four of us would pile into a two person tent. And as much as I griped and complained, it was ingrained into me that family was about time spent and not about money spent. We were poor in money, but rich in values and love. I pray that I can pass on these values to my children.

Amazon for Stay-At-Home Moms

2011-08-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

Guess what's new? I'm now a mommy of two! It's wonderful and exhausting and fulfilling and EXHAUSTING! But at the end of the day, all I can do is thank God for my two healthy beautiful girls! So I gave you a list of products that helped me get through my pregnancy, so now I will give you a list of items that have helped me get through my first three months postpartum.

While pregnant, I had a vision of throwing my new baby girl in a sling and just carrying on my life as normal. But I quickly leaned mommies run on their baby's schedules, NOT the other way around. And that was fine at first, but then I started needing stuff: clothes, baby gadgets, baby gear, phone accessories, books, and many gifts for other people.

If I drag baby #2 out the door, it's usually for some type of recreational activity for baby #1 or the grocery store (only because I have no other choice). So, the most useful and convinient means I have found for purchasing my needs and wants was through internet shopping. And the most frequented website on my list is Amazon.com simply because of the one-stop-shop convenience and the "free super-saver shipping" which many items on their website qualify for.

Amazon.com Widgets

Okay, I will quickly explain to you all this list. I bought the Leapfrog and Preschoolprep DVDs for my two-year-old. They are educational and entertaining! My phone charger broke but I didn't have time to stand in line and pay $30 for a replacement. Would you believe me if I told you I got this set of three chargers (USB, wall charger, car charger) for under $2! You don't believe me? Check it out for yourself. I must admit, they are not the quality of the charger directly from samsung (instead of fully charging my dead phone in under 3 hours, it takes about 5 hours), but I am very pleased for the cheap price.

The power drill was a Fathers Day gift for my wonderful father who helped me so much with keeping baby #2 busy while I was nursing baby #2 or just getting some overdue rest!

I ordered the nipple butter because my soar nipples wear cracking, but unfortunately I didn't get it expressed shipped, so by the time I recieved the all-natural cocoa based butter, my nipples were already healed. However, it came in really great handy when I discoved baby #2 had excema and the Earth Mama nipple butter softened my newborns little rough patches :)

The Summer Infant Carseat complete body support coushin was just what I needed to keep my little one snug in her carseat and it allowed me to put her in the double stroller at 3 months without the carseat (Perhaps it also helped that she's a monster baby lol).

Three Cups of Tea is a great read when you need the escape the realities of momydom. Being a mom of two under three can become very overwhelming at times, but internet shopping has made my road just tad more smoother to travel.

I have also purchased items like bedding and my double stroller from target.com and walmart.com. Catch them when they are having deals and FREE SHIPPING!

HELP!! Should I Let the Dentist put my Two Year Old Under General Anesthesia?

2011-04-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, I really need some insight on this one...

My two year old daughter, you know Ruki :), went to her first dentist appointment today. Despite our daily brushings, she had two cavities in her molars. One is small, and the other is huge. The dentist said my toddler needed to be put to sleep - general anesthesia - to get a filling on one tooth and a filling and a crown on the other.

I almost cried right there in the dentist office. I must be a horrible mother, right? Well, actually from what I've been reading on the web, it might have been the extensive night nursing we did for almost two years that contributed to it, who knows? What I do know, is that she has a huge cavity and it would probably be irresponsible of me to just let it sit until her baby teeth fall out naturally. Only being two, that might be five years from now!

But general anesthesia?? That seems so intense for her little body. If she needed surgery for major illness, obviously it would be a no-brainer, but for dental work? I've done some internet research about nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and conscious anesthesia, but many articles say for her age, general anesthesia might be best. Her dentist gave me a stack of paperwork and waivers to sign before I get the procedure done. A waiver has to be signed by her pediatrician also. If its so safe, whats with all the waivers??

Has anyone had an experience similar to this? I will continue my research and ask her pediatrician, but I need some moral support, suggestions, anything you can offer! May God guide us on the righteous path!

The American Academy of Pediatric Dentist - click here to see what they say about general anesthesia

Surviving the 2nd Pregnancy

2011-03-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

YES! I'm pregnant... AGAIN! I know, it's wrong to disappear for 9 months and come back 8 months pregnant! Believe me, though, I've been busy. You know, the usual, going to school, tending after baby #1, who is actually a giant sized toddler now, but insist on everyone calling her BABY lol. This post is about how I have managed to come this far, with the mercy of God, and still be somewhat sane and enjoying life.

I should probably be getting paid for a blog like this, because I am clearly promoting a bunch of products, but unfortunately I'm volunteering the advertisements because these items truly have helped me survive over the past 32 weeks!

Comfy, yet stylish, Pink and Black Nike Air. I broke down and spent $100 at the local Lady's Footlocker, but I found them on sale on this site.

Bio-Oil- feels good to rub on the growing baby belly, plus fades old stretch marks and prevents new ones! I also use Burt's Bees Tummy Butter just cause it feels good and makes my skin soft as a baby:)

Merona Wrap-Around Wool Maternity Coat. I knew in November that my belly was growing fast and I had to invest in a maternity coat. But luckily for me, I found a great one without too much investing, paying $59.99 on Target.com

Tea. Chamomile to unwind and Black tea to stay awake. A pregnant body is going to do what it wants, but at least the teas made me stop and take a deep breath, bringing some peace to a hectic, sleepy, insomnia-filled pregnancy.

PRAYER - last, but certainly not least! Taking some time out a few times a day to be quiet and offer worship to the Creator is a must! When life seems to be escaping me, and I feel confused and overwhelmed, I just thank God that I am living and breathing and have people that love and care for me! I thank God for my little ones and for their health. Pregnancy can be a very stressful time, but it's important to appreciate the little things- the kicks and wiggles, even the sickness is a sign that a life is growing inside you!

St. Jude Children's Hospital

2010-12-12T04:53:00.000-08:00

So I woke up around five-o-clock this morning wedged in between my toddler and a cold wall. I had to go the bathroom, but I did not want to leave the comfort of my warm bed. As I paused for a moment, the raspy sound of an old woman's voice came drifting from the television I had forgot to turn off before I fell into my deep slumber.

Squinting my eyes, I looked on the screen and saw a three year old boy named Reagan. He was diagnosed with childhood leukemia and passed away eleven months after being admitted to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I began to feel very sad. I looked over at my little one, sleeping so soundly, with not a care in the world. Then I thought, "That could be my child in that hospital. That could be Ruki."

And the tears came flowing down my tired face.

I imagined myself being some billionaire philanthropist and giving St. Jude's, or any other children's hospital, a million dollars or more. But I am not a philanthropist, I am just a writer. So, today I am writing to urge everyone to donate your dollars and your prayers to sick and needy children wherever they may be. Don't wait for a tragedy to happen to you or someone you love to start caring. Care now. Give now.

I let her cry herself to sleep...

2010-11-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

... for the first time! Ruki never slept in her own room or even a crib, and she is breastfed and I'm always home with her... but enough was enough! I finally weaned her about 3 weeks ago. Thank God, she has been doing great! But I feel like it is time I start putting my foot down for her sake and for my sanity.

She has been going to daycare for the past couple weeks to enable me to focus on my schoolwork. She only goes 3 days a week, but I have seen vast improvements in some aspects of her conduct. For instance, the child who could not sleep without her mommy by her side, lays down and sleeps for 2 hours every day she is at the daycare. This made me think, hmmm? What am I doing wrong? Why is it so hard to get her down for a nap at home?

It all started with the mug I had just finished eating my vegetable soup out of: "Ruki, don't touch the mug!" But it was too late, before I knew it my favorite mug was shattered to pieces on the floor. It was 1:30pm, an hour after I tried to get her the lay down and go to sleep. I lost it.

I'm usually very much a push over, and Ruki knows it. I told that child to lay down and I meant it. I was stern and unrelenting. She threw a tantrum, she threw pillows off the couch, she screamed at the top of her lungs, and for a last burst of protest, she took off her diaper and threw it as far as she could.

As hard as it was, I just ignored her. I had never done that before. In her 22 months of life, I was always at her beckoning call. While I don't regret my "attachment" form of parenting, I realize that was it time for me to "man-up".

Update! Update!

2010-10-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

Hey! Hey! Change the baby- I mean toddler, marinate the salmon, check email, check classes, feed Ruki, clean food off Ruki, attempt to do assignments for school, take shower?, brush teeth, try to teach Ruki to brush her teeth correctly, tell Ruki to sit on potty, look for weekend children activities, call exterminator, call cable guy, hmmm what else? And that's just the list for this morning!

So yes I have been busy! Unfortunately some of my friends and family have been moved to the back burner- I don't return many calls these days. But I must say its cool to know I have the kind of friends who are very loving and understanding- Thank God!

Between school, Ruki, and traveling to Philly things have been quite hectic. I'm enjoying being close to my family. Yesterday we went on a fun hayride and pumpkin patch! Ruqayyah was throwing hay on "Pop-Pop". This morning Ruki preferred the yogurt to the oatmeal, so the oatmeal became more of an art project, Smooches!

Bouncing Baby to Healthy Toddler

2010-07-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

The past 6 months have ben a cpmplete whirlwind! Here's the update- I'm still breastfeeding. Ruki has 13 teeth (OUCH! just kidding). She is the size of a 2 year old and has the shoe size of a 3 year old! And I couldn't feel more blessed! My baby says lots of words (NO!, baby, eww dirty!, Mommy, DaDa, NaNa, Pop-Pop, HOT, ect...)and is healthy: THIS IS WHAT I PRAYED FOR: a healthy child. I never cared about my baby's gender, skin color, hair texture, or stature. While I was pregnant I just prayed for God to have mercy on me and give me a healthy baby. Thank YOU Allah!

Giving my Breastfed Baby Formula...

2010-02-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

I should have just named this blog entry- LOL! I really thought I was going to give my 13 month old formula after being strictly breastfed since birth! HA! This experiment went totally wrong. You might be asking Why? Why now? The move actually came from the desperation to get caught up on my schoolwork.

I always hear about how formula fed babies sleep soundly through the night from an early age. I read on askdrsears.com that phenomena is due to the hard to digest milk curdles that form in the babies stomach. I am a stay-at-home mom, who co-sleeps with her baby, so I was never pressed to have bay Ruki sleep all the way through the night... until now.

Ruki is at a stage in her life were she is chronically teething and suffers from extreme nighttime hunger and separation anxiety! She nurses off and on the entire night, usually without fully awaking. However, if I try to sneak downstairs to get some housework or schoolwork done, and she rolls over to nurse, she awakens and wails until I return.

So basically, tonight I was at wits end and opened a free sample Enfamil sent me in the mail. First I put the strange white mixture in a bottle. The bottle entertained her for about 20 minutes- she chewed on the nipple, then she found out that if she jerked the bottle violently, the white liquid would shoot out in spurts. Then it just made her angry, so she hurled the undrinken bottle through the baby gate into the kitchen and started to cry.

Relentless in my efforts, I transferred the formula into her sippy cup. Well, this just made her plain MAD! She threw the cup down after one sip with disgust and anguish written all over her face. I insulted her intelligence. I insulted her gourmet taste. She will not be fooled!

So I sat on the couch and breastfed my little angel to sleep and instead of getting right to my schoolwork, I am blogging about my little princess.

So I'm Starting School...

2010-01-18T17:35:00.000-08:00

So I'm starting school tomorrow, and I feel... anxious. I'm really excited, but at the same time, I am unsure that I have the capacity to do well in two Internet classes, because I was always the type that benefited from hands-on education. Taking on Internet classes, along with my other full time job (you know, the Mommy stuff) is just slightly daunting.

God has been really great to me, because he has shown me many great examples of stay-at-home mothers who also go to school. Some of them have outside help, like in-laws or parents or other relatives that help them with the children. I do not have these wonderful people in my locale as of right now.

However, I told myself I would stop finding excuses not to go, and just take the semester on like a charging bull. I recognise that it is a major blessing from Allah to be in a position where I can attend school in the first place.

I took two classes while I was pregnant, and had been looking forward to going back ever since. I declared my major: Journalism. I thought about World Affairs and Creative Writing majors also, but I think I need to just have faith in my abilities as a journalist since that is what lites my flame.

Pray for Me!!

Phenomenal Woman

2010-01-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

This poem written and narrated by none other than famed poet Maya Angelou is dedicated to all the beautiful sisters holding down families, households, careers, or maybe just themselves. I just wanted to let you all know that you ARE intelligent and beautiful and worthy of being loved and appreciated. YOU ARE PHENOMENAL!

Phenomenal Womanby Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman” from And Still I Rise. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.

Source: The Complete Collected Poems of Maya Angelou (Random House, Inc., 1994)

Nights and Weekends

2009-12-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

Stay-at-home Mom, Housewife, Homemaker; taking on the responsibilities of the children and household: FULL TIME.

That's right, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. As much as I had heard that being a stay-at-home mom would be a full time job, I always thought of full time as most Americans do- 40 hours a week. Anything else would clearly be considered overtime.

What if this gig was a traditional 40 hour a week, Monday thru Friday occupation? No late night nursings- No babies in the bed at all for that matter. No 5am or 6am wake-up cries. No washing the dishes or doing laundry in the middle of the night because there just wasn't enough time during the day.

Breakfast would have to be at 9:15, because I wouldn't get to work until 9 am. Dinner would be prepared and served by 4 pm, so I can clean up and clock out by 5 pm.

Well, we can all dream can't we?

I am so fortunate to be at home with my little one, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure in a perfect world I'd have maid service at my disposal so I wouldn't have to sweat the small stuff. However, in this imperfect world, I have a perfect little angel who will be 1 soon and a great husband who puts a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. So I ask myself, what could be more perfect than that?

Baby, Ramadan, and Epiphany

2009-09-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well, look who decided to blog! After a long hiatus I have come to the conclusion that I need to blog. This is my outlet. My writing is my salvation. Far before "blogging" was the craze, I had wrote poetry and journals. This is what I do.

Ramadan. Ramadan was great. I did not fast because I am nursing and am exempt. However Muslims who do not fast are obligated to feed a person for ever fast day missed. I kept pretty busy preparing meals for my family and the fasters at the Masjid (but mostly for my husband, who of course does not count in my 30 feedings. I was just attempting to be a good wife.) Lots of studying and no TV for the most part was beneficial. Ramadan is a time of worship, reflection, and repentance for over 1 billion Muslims around the world.

Baby. Ruki would be the main reason I have not blogged in three months. She has become so demanding. I found myself down at times during Ramadan because while my husband was studying, I was just trying to catch up with our daughter, whether it was a feeding, a mouth inspection (she eats everything!) or just trying to entertain the little monster. In Ramadans past, I would usually go to the park and stay for hours just reading the Quran or some type of educational literature. Now I can barely put aside the time to pray, much less read.

Epiphany. One day at masjid when everyone was praying and I was nursing my Ruki in the back, I realized that I had missed the point. I looked at my wonderful daughter and realized that she is my little blessing and taking care of her will increase my faith, not diminish it. Before doing many day to day things, Muslims say a short prayer, "In the name of Allah, Most merciful, Most Beneficent." I learned that God is a loving and forgiving God.

The Prophet Muhammad said, "Paradise lies at the feet of the mother". With this, I understand that being a mother is a great responsibility and privilege that is not bestowed upon every woman. Now I must go because my eight month old is screaming and crying to get out her high chair!

Thank God for Wall-to-Wall Carpet!

2009-07-18T23:48:00.000-07:00

My baby Ruki is on the move! That's right, she is crawling and tumbling and bouncing off the ground every other second. This is why I say "Thank God for wall-to-wall carpet!" My little baby is tumbling all over the place and she just gets up and keeps on trucking! We recently visited a friend's home, and she also had carpeting, but it wasn't nearly as thick as ours and I - not thinking - put my 6 month old baby down to play and do I regret it! She tumbled over and hit her big ole' head on that hard carpet, then wailed and wailed until I nursed her back to normal. (Funny how nursing is the cure-all for everything!) I'm pretty sure she was more shocked at the hardness of the carpet, rather than hurt, but I'm sure blessed to be able to put her down to play at my own home without constantly surrounding her with pillows!

Jenny McCarthy shuts down Amanda Pete!

2009-07-07T23:48:00.000-07:00

Jenny McCarthy was witty, yet poignant when she snapped back at comments made by fellow actress, Amanda Pete. McCarthy, 35, is the mother of a child diagnosed with autism. She told Spectrum magazine, “(Peet) has a lot of [nerve] to come forward and be on that side, because there is an angry mob on my side, and I like the fact that I can say she’s completely wrong.” She added, “I look at (Peet) now and say to myself, ‘That was me before I had autism in my life,’ and until she walks in our shoes, she really has no idea.”

She was referring to comments Pete made urging all parents to get the required number of vaccinations mandated by the Board of Pediatrics. However, there has been growing concern about certain vaccinations having a possible connection to autism, a complex developmental disorder.

On McCarthy's website, www.generationrescue.org, researchers attempt to approach the ongoing mystery of the possible connection between autism and childhood vaccinations. The Generation Rescue website states, "The United States has the highest number of mandated vaccines for children under 5 in the world (36,double the Western world average of 18), the highest autism rate in the world (1 in 150 children, 10 times or more the rate of some other Western countries), but only places 34th in the world for its children under 5 mortality rate. What’s going on?"

Jenny McCarthy has since apologized for her comments targeting Amanda Pete, but her and husband, Jim Carey represent a growing number of parents that are questioning the strenuous vaccination schedule that is prescribed for all American infants and children. The fact is that there are a lot of American children suffering of autism- a disease that seemed to pop up overnight- and parents want answers! The question is- who can they trust? Many parents just want a straight answer and a cure.

Getting Back in Shape

2009-06-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

I know. I know. This sounds like just another mommy blog complaining about baby weight, but I beg you, hear me out! Yes of course I miss my pre-pregnancy body, but more than that I miss caring for my self: my well-being. For the past 168 days, its been BABY BABY BABY! All Day. Everyday. I must sound pretty selfish, so don't get it twisted- I absolutely love and adore my baby Ruki. Sometimes when I look at her, I just get goosebumps because I can't believe she is actually here with me.

See, there I go again, I can't stop; I'm completely transfixed on her and my body is paying for it. I have been an athlete since a very young age. I'm one of those "No Pain No Gain" types. I love to feel the burn! Running was my forte. It was a stress reliever, an energy booster, an attitude shifter . . . a high. Now that I have not been exercising consistently, I feel sluggish, bloated, stressed, and sometimes just plain ole' down. I guess these symptoms could also be attributed to the severely discombobulated schedule of a first time mommy.

However, I've been using that excuse for over 5 months now. I think it is time to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get on the trail. I was doing a pretty good job walking the stroller before the weather reached the 100s, and living in Vegas, I know it won't cool down until late September. I felt so down and out one day, I bought a canister of Folgers coffee. I put a tablespoon of the mix into a cup of boiling water and was wondering why all the "stuff" was floating around in the cup. Filter you say? Oh boy, that's way too much work. I'd rather just go for a run!

THERE IS A GOD!!!!

2009-06-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

As I nurse my beautiful 5 month old daughter, I think to myself, wow, how is this possible? You know . . . all of it, the whole thing. How is it that I can be the sole source of nourishment for another human being? But it's not just nursing; it's the love. How is it that I have developed a love for this crying, spitting, screaming, pooping little person? And not just any love, an unexplainable, impenetrable, everlasting love. I mean I would give my life for her without giving a second thought, but perhaps more importantly, she makes me want to live my life better. She makes me feel like I have to do better for myself- spiritually, financially, and academically- for the sake of her. Why do us mothers- and many fathers- have these feelings? I mean, okay she grew inside of me for nine months, but so what?

I think the miracle of childbirth continues far beyond those strenuous hours of labor. Sometimes I will look over at her and she is just gazing into my eyes, far longer than any teenie bopper couple trumped with infatuation. THIS IS LOVE. THIS IS GOD. It is moments like that when I know with complete certainty that there is a God. An All-Knowing, Most Beneficent, Most Gracious God. Who else could have created this love that surely no human could even fathom before they experience it for themselves.

Milk Me!

2009-06-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

When it comes to breastfeeding, I would like to say, "Don't knock it til you try it (for atleast 3 weeks)". It is not easy breastfeeding in this society, however nursing is making a vehement comeback. With all the elaborate breast-pumps and variety of storage items on the market, there are less and less excuses for today's busy moms not to breastfeed. Forgive me if I sound insensitive, I know many mothers have very good reasons for not nursing their children, however that number could be cut significantly if there were more support from families, doctors, and the government to new mothers. I attended a breastfeeding class, read several books and online articles, and talked to my own mother, aunts and friends who breastfeed. I mean, I really went out of my way to find information about breastfeeding; during the painful, bleeding, cracking phase, it was the knowledge about the irreplacable life long nutrition I was providing for my infant that kept me going. Later on I came to fall in love with the closeness and the bonding between me and my infant; a feeling that would have never come to pass if I hadn't endured those first two weeks of pain.

After talking to many mothers who did not breastfeed, I found out it wasn't because they didn't want to, it was usually because they gave up when it bacame painful, or they gave in to some people's opinions of nursing being "nasty" or "perverted" or "hippieish". I would ask these people why they would rather a baby drink fron the utter of a cow rather than the breast of a woman? God created breastmilk perfectly. Many times when a baby has a bad reaction to her mother's milk, it is because the diet of the mother. Many more babies have bad reations to formula.

I blame hospitals, the government, and families. I can not tell you how annoyed I was at a nurse who continually insisted on bringing Enfamil into my room when I was trying to get the hang of nursing. Even the pediatrician encouraged me to "supplement" with formula to "ease my hardship"(forgetting to mention that would lead to a reduction in my own milk supply.)To this day, I get free samples, magazines and gifts from Enfamil. Upon checking out of the hospital, every mom is given a free diaper bag filled with all sorts of goodies courtesy of Enfamil. I also learned that many of the problems women have with breastfeeding should be handled by a professional breastfeeding consultant. They even make house calls! (www.lelecheleague.com) Also, there are breastfeeding support groups at many hospitals. Nowadays, breastfeeding is second nature for me, not to mention it's free, pre-mixed, and already warmed!

You would be shocked to learn the long list of diseases and disorders (asthma and lukemia to name a couple)that have a much lower occurance in breastfeed children. It would be silly to claim breastfeed children never get sick, but atleast they have more than a fighting chance at wellness. With all the nutritional uncertainty surrounding food these days, as mothers it is the least we could do to give our children the best start!

Step-Mommy

2009-06-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed to be a step-mommy! I have known my beautiful step-daughter, Patsy, since she was a baby. Over the years we have grown closer and now that she is almost seven I feel like I'm just getting the hang of this stuff. Being step-mommy to a child that does not live with you can create a lot of awkward and sometimes frustrating moments when it comes to the discipline. An awesomely exciting day at the park can quickly evolve into a nightmare when she throws a temper tantrum because someone else got on "her swing". The mother side of me always wants to immediately correct the misconduct by kneeling down, looking her in the eyes and with my firmest voice say, "This spoiled behavior in unacceptable and you WILL STOP CRYING this second or you won't see the playground for a month!" However I have learned thru trial and error that you have to be a lot more creative when it comes to disciplining a step-child. For instance, I am a real stickler when it comes to having healthy meals and snacks, so when I serve her a yummy plate of whole wheat macaroni and cheese with salmon and broccoli, I expect it to be devoured! When I was a child we would've killed to have a meal like this- healthy and tasty. When Patsy turned her nose up at my meticulously cooked dish and pushed the food around her plate like it was slop I was offended and demanded she it- I didn't yell, I just said what my parents had always said to me when I was being picky: "You are not getting up from this table until you finish your food." Well, she did not even eat one forkful. Instead she cried and told her mother that "Kay was being mean to me". When my husband relayed the message I was heartbroken- I had never wanted to hurt her feelings. I just wanted her to build healthy eating habits because I love and care for her well-being.

It wasn't until I had my own child that I started to assess how hard the situation must be for her- being shuttled from two different households with different religions, rules, and expectations. She doesn't need me to be her mom- she already has one of those- she needs me to be her mentor and her friend. So I have decided the best way to bring the peace is to gain her trust and respect, then hope that she will behave out of pure guilt, because she knows I am looking out for her best intrest. For the times I can't play the guilt game, I have learned to use creative language when she needs behavior correction like the time she didn't want to leave the playground: "Patsy, you are a big girl now and you have to show the baby how to be a big girl by going home when it is time. Only babies cry when they don't get what they want." And now I have gotten her so use to compromising when it comes to eating, She automatically says, "Okay, how many spoonfulls of brocolli do I have to eat?" Hey, I'll take what I can get! And instead of chastising bad behavior, I just ignore it, but then I praise the good behavior, and ALL children want to be praised.

Vaccinations Anyone?

2009-05-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm usually a total hippie- I eat tofu, wear long colorful skirts, and am an advid listener of Public Radio. So naturally, I am very skepticle of the whole immunization/vaccination process. I have spent many nights surfing the web, reading articles to support the argument against vaccinations. I even talked it over with my cousin- we'll call her Candice- whom I look up to when it comes to all matters of parenting. Candice is 88% vegan, stunting long beautiful dreds and is a firm believer in breastfeeding her children far into toddlerhood. She has not vaccinated her two oldest children, however being the wise woman she is, she told me it is a very personal decision and gave me a few references to do the research on my own.

Needless to say, after hearing alarming statistics of very healthy non-vaccinated children and their unhealthy doped-up, vaccinated counterparts, I was well on my way to bucking the system and going needle free for my little one. The first thing that probably popped into your mind was AUTISM, and while this was definately a main motivator, it was not what tipped me over the edge. It was reading that the number of immunizations given to American children has almost trpled in the past 25 years. With no preceeding epedemic to warrant this excess, I concluded it must have been the greed of major pharmeceutical companies. Then an unexpected turn . . .

My grandmother came all the way across the country from Philadelphia to visit me and her newborn great-granddaughter when she was just five days old. I told her I had already opted out on the Hep B shot in the hospital and I planned on continuing the trend. She ajusted her glasses and gazed out reminiscently and began to recall stories of children in the 1930s dying left and right of whooping cough and diptheria. She said many days she heard news of so-and-so being hospitalized at the tender age of 5 or 6 of these incurable and possibly fatal diseases. Then she told me of her own bout with the measles as an adult- pure hell- just the thought of it made her grimace. She didin't give me advice one way or the other, but I knew in my heart that I would take the subject a lot more serious.

I am no doctor. I am no scholar. I am just a parent who loves my child and would do anything to protect her. From one parent to another I urge you to consider this from all angles and May GOD have Mercy on us ALL.

This website has helped me a great deal. www.generationrescue.org

Late Night Mommy

2009-05-26T22:04:00.000-07:00

I have turned into a night owl. I am a "morning person" by nature, but I have evolved. This is not to say that I am not an early riser, because I most certainly am, due to the 6am wining, knicking, pooping, suckling 4 month old I have, who just happens to be a permanent fixture in my bed every night. She has what my husband calls, "spidey senses"; everytime I leave her side she has a complete fit. Even if Ruki appears to be in a coma-like sleep, she will jolt out of her slumber kicking and waving her arms wildly, as her inner alarm does the 'mommy come now' count down, 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2- and if I'm lucky I wisk her into my grasp before she reaches 1 at which point she would begin this piercing scream that can be heard for miles and miles! Needless to say, Ruki is lying next to me right now sound asleep.

Some mothers will read this and proclaim, "That child is absolutely spoiled rotten!" , "She needs to be sleeping in a crib!", or my personal favorite, "Just let her cry it out." Maybe a year from now, I might head this advice, but at the tender age of four months, my daughter only has one means of conversation- crying. So if I ignore her cries, I am not teaching her to be a 'good baby', I am simply teaching her that she can't trust the one person in this world that can cure most of her problems. If she's hungry, I nurse her. If she's lonely, I cuddle her. If she's bored, I entertain her. And if she sleeps more comfortably curled up next to me, it is the least I can do. By the way, I am not the only one who believes in this theory. Just ask Dr. Sears at www.askdrsears.com and come into the light! Actually many mothers have this instinct, but some follow it and some do not. This being said, I would not advise a mother who has a baby that sleeps soundly in a crib to then move the baby into her bed- God Bless her! Babies have different personalities just like adults. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY! But don't knock me because I am doing what is best for mine!

Initially this blog was suppose to be all about how I stay up late nights reading, writing, cleaning, and surfing the web because it is the only time baby doesn't need my constant attention, but it turned into something else! I guess I just had to get this off my chest ;-) Thanks for listening.